Love in My Tummy

Valentine's Day can either be a day of romantic anticipation or a day of romantic disappointment. For me, it's a day to bake. Food is love, folks. Food is love. Unless it's a big ol' chubby ass diamond something-or-other, in which case, stick the bling inside the cake and just tell me to be careful.

This year I decided to follow the heart-felt theme and make red velvet cupcakes. Actually, I made them two weeks ago for a party with my wine group and as an homage to Elvis's birthday, but I did stow a half dozen in the freezer for this weekend. Since I'm too lazy at this point to pull them out and frost for a true blue photo, I copped this one off the Web instead. So, shoot me. But then believe me when I tell you, they look EXACTLY the same.



The thing about Red Velvet Cupcakes is, they're fun. Okay, despite the slightly freakish color, they can actually taste good – there's enough cocoa in them to give them a chocolaty kick (which comes in handy in case your Valentine's Day starts heading towards the Kleenex), and who in their right mind doesn't love a luscious cream cheese icing? But most importantly, they look cool and you can decorate them with all kinds of fun chocolate or candy heart thingees or little plastic bow and arrows. Or, if your mood is swinging the other way, little plastic devil horns.

And, of course, the absolute BEST thing about cupcakes is they're already pre-portion controlled, clocking in at about, oh, I dunno, 300 calories each, frosting and all. Unless you decide to have two, in which case I can't help you there. But I do understand.

The cake portion of this recipe comes straight out of an interesting little book by Linda West Eckhardt called Cakes from Scratch in Half the Time. I've made a lot of things out of here, and mostly the recipes – and the advice to bake at 400 degrees for half the normal time – come out great.  

So come on, put a little love in your heart:

For 24 cupcakes or two 9-inch round regular cakes:

2-1/4 cups of cake flour

1 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons cocoa

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 cup vegetable shortening (Crisco)

1-1/2 cups granulated sugar

2 large eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup buttermilk

1 one-ounce bottle of red food coloring (2 tablespoons)

1 teaspoon white wine vinegar

1 teaspoon baking soda

Preheat oven to 400º F and line two twelve-cupcake cupcake pans with cupcake liners. 

Sift together flour, salt, cocoa powder, and baking powder. Set aside. In mixing bowl, cream sugar and vegetable shortening at high speed for 3-4 minutes, scraping bowl at least once. Add eggs one at a time, beating well and scraping bowl after each addition. 

Stir together the vanilla, buttermilk, and food coloring in a glass measuring cup. Add to the batter in thirds, alternating with the flour, cocoa, salt, and baking powder mixture, scraping down bowl after each addition. Turn off mixer. Stir together the vinegar and the baking soda – it will foam – in a glass bowl and fold into the batter using a spatula or wooden spoon.

Quickly fill each cupcake tin 2/3 full and bake in the middle of the oven for 10-12 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into middle of a cupcake comes out clean. You can start checking at 8 minutes.

Cool for 10 minutes in the pan, then remove. Cool completely and frost with the following:

Yummy Cream Cheese Icing:

1 pound (16 ounces) cream cheese, room temperature

2 sticks butter, room temperature

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 cups confectioners sugar

Cream sugar, butter, and vanilla together until smooth, scraping down bowl at least once. Sift the confectioner's sugar into the mix and beat until incorporated. Turn mixer on high and beat until very light and fluffy, about 1-2 minutes.

Make Cake, Not War

Recently, the Troll, one of Moi's 3.75 male readers, posted a recipe for what looks like a really yummy apple cake as a comment in response to one of Moi's posts. I think he posted out of sheer frustration over yet another one of my guy-mystifying ruminations on fashion, which I'm sure makes the Troll's brain itch. Most likely, he wants me to get back to posting something political, just so he can poke fun at Moi's libertarian viewpoints (are Libertarians True Conservatives or Raving Lunatics Who Just Want a Second Amendment Excuse to Wave Around their New 9mm Glocks While Drinking Martinis? Discuss.)

But, really, fashion hurts Moi's brain less than navigating the murky waters of today's pool of poleetical candidates.

So as penance, I'm posting the Troll's recipe. I've made similar cakes before and I can attest that apple cake is totally yummy. But, usually, like this one, nekkid. So I posted a suggested frosting, too.

Apple Cake:

1-1/2 cups granulated sugar
3 cups sifted flour
1 tsp. Baking Soda
1/2 tsp. Kosher Salt
1 tsp. Cinnamon
3 cups thin sliced Granny Smith apples
1-1/2 cups Wesson Oil (note from Moi: a very light virgin olive oil works, too)
2 eggs slightly beaten
2 tsp. Vanilla
1/2 cup Coconut
1/2 cup Walnuts

Preheat oven to 350º F. Grease and flour a 9x13 pan.

Mix sugar, flour, soda, salt and cinnamon. Add apples and mix until well-coated. Add oil, eggs, vanilla, coconut and walnuts. Pour into pan and bake for one hour.

Then come up with a good frosting of your own creation if desired.

To frost, I suggest:

Fluffy White Frosting:
1 cup milk
1/4 cup flour
1 cup granulated sugar
2 sticks butter, softened but not melted
1 tsp. Vanilla

In a large saucepan over low heat, combine the milk, flour, and sugar and cook, stirring constantly, until a pudding-like consistency is achieved. Transfer into mixing bowl of a stand mixer and allow to cool to room temperature. When cooled, add softened butter and vanilla and beat until fluffy. Frost cake.

What would YOU top this cake with?

Basic Chocolate Ganache

This is the basic, mother recipe out of which all other ganache recipes will spring. It makes enough to frost a two-layer 8" cake (with leftovers for sauce) or a two-layer 9" cake. Unless you like to sneak little "tastes" along the way. Then you'll come up short and will have no one but yourself to blame.

What:
12 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped (I use Ghirardelli chips)
1-2/3 cups cream

How:
If not using chips, chop the chocolate into pea-sized pieces. Or, process in a food processor until finely chopped. (The first method is time consuming and difficult; the second is messy. Buy chips.)

Place chopped or chipped chocolate into a heat-resistant glass or metal bowl.

Measure cream into a Pyrex measuring cup. Microwave on high until boiling, about one minute. Pour cream over chocolate and let sit for one minute. Stir with small metal whisk until all chocolate is melted.

For a glaze: Let cool to a pourable consistency, about 15-30 minutes, depending on your room's temperature. Place cake on a wire rack set on top of a rimmed baking sheet. Pour ganache over cake and allow to drip down, catching excess in the sheet. If necessary, scoop up excess and keep pouring until entire cake is covered.

It will look something like this:


For a fluffy frosting: Let mixture continue to sit at room temperature, stirring gently every half hour or so, until it reaches frosting consistency – about two hours.

It will look something like this (apologies for the hairy dude arms):


Any left overs can be used as a spread over toast (really!), or used as a sauce by microwaving on low power until it reaches a sauce-like consistency. What you pour it over at this point is your business.

Ganache will keep at room temperature for three days, two weeks in the fridge, and six months in the freezer.